Master Of The House   Les Miserables, Claude-Michel Schoenberg and Herbert Kretzmer and Alain Boublil

Master of the house, Doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake, And an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, Makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a favor, Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing, Everything has got a little price!

Master of the house, Keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em, Of a sou or two
Watering the wine, Making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks, When they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord, Everybody's buxom friend
I do whatever pleases, Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

Master of the house, Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby, To pass him by
Servant to the poor, Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, And lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion, Everybody's chaperone

Food beyond compare, Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer, And pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, Liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages, With this and that

Residents are more than welcome, Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges, Plus some little extras on the side!

Charge 'em for the lice, Extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, There a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices, There are a lot of tricks he knows
How it all increases, All those bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

Master of the house, Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, And lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion, Gives 'em everything he's got
 
Master of the house!, Master and a half!
Comforter, philosopher, Ah, don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor, Butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady, And inebriate!
Everybody bless the landlord!, Everybody bless his spouse!
Everybody raise a glass, Raise it up the master's arse
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!