The holidays were upon us and things were goin'
fine
Till the day I heard the doorbell and a chill ran up my spine.
I grabbed the wife and children as the postman wheeled it in;
A yearly Christmas nightmare had just come back again.
It was harder than the
head of Uncle Bucky, Heavy as a sermon from
Preacher Lucky, One's enough to give the
whole state of Kentucky a great big belly ache! It was denser than a
drove of barnyard turkeys; Tougher than a truckload
of all beef jerkey; Drier than a drought in
Albuquerque; Grandma's Killer
Fruitcake!
Now I had to swallow some marginal fare at the family feast
I even downed Aunt Dolly's possum pie just to keep the family peace
I winced at Wilma's gizzard mousse, but said it tasted fine.
But the lethal weapon Grandma baked is where I draw the line Chorus
(key change) It's early Chistmas mornin'; the phone rings us a wake.
It's Grandma, Pa, she wants to know... how we liked the cake?
Well, Grandma, I never... we couldn't... it was unbelievable, that's
for sure!
What's that you say? Oh, no Grandma, please!
Don't send us anymore! Chorus
