Too Fat To Fit
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From Pete
'N' Keely by Patrick Brady and Mark Waldrop
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Performed on Broadway Cares "Carols For A Cure" Volume 5, by the cast
of "The Producers"
Spoken: Advice to Santa: You've got to put those Ho-Ho's down! From
now on, Ho-Ho's are No-no's!
Santa you've been munching, oh you've
done a bunch of crunching,
Every breakfast, every luncheon, every
dinner it's the same,
You had better cut it out and start a
diet,
Or on Christmas morn, there's gonna be
a riot!
'Cause you're too fat to fit down the
chimney
And December 25th is on the way
Though we've cleaned the chimney flu,
if old Santa can't get through,
We'll never have a Merry Christmas day!
Listen Santa won't you try to lay off
the pumpkin pie,
Cut out cookies, cut out candy, and
eggnog too
Santa please control yourself,
yesterday you ate an elf!
So have a green salad, maybe some fish,
But please don't touch that candy dish
You're too fat to fit down the chimney
So you're gonna have to build a bigger
sleigh
If you can't reduce that girth, all
the children of the earth
Will be out-a their-luck when Santa
gets stuck
In the chimney on Christmas day.
Little Billie's hoping for a shiny
fire truck,
If it's not beneath the tree, he'll
run amuck,
And Molly wants a dolly in a pretty
gingham gown,
If she doesn't get it, she will rip
the holly down.
If Mommy doesn't get her blender, It
could send her on a bender.
Daddy simply must unwrap some
after-shave or he will snap
So Santa please, the stakes are high
On Christmas Eve you've got to fly!
But you're too fat (too fat!) to fit
down the chimney,
And you've got a big delivery to make,
If you can't take off some pounds,
when you try to make your rounds,
You'll find you've made a terrible
mistake!
Listen Santa why don't you, hit the
gymn and loose a few,
Do some crunches, throw some punches,
try some car-di-o,
All the reindeer say they're stunned,
you're appallingly rotund,
So lighten the load and give up ?Rate,
Take off that weight for goodness sake!
'Cause you're too fat (you're huge!)
to fit down the chimney,
Better leave the milk and cookies on
the tray,
If you can't get down to size, then a
crisis might arise,
When you're stuck in that stack and
ready to crack the chimney
on Christmas day!