Christmas Misheard Lyrics


Noel, Noel, born is the king of Israel.
Misheard Line: Noel, Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.

"Gold, Common Sense and Fur"

The cattle are blowing the poor baby away

Misheard Lyrics:
    The cattle are glowing,
    The poor baby shakes.
    But little Lord Jesus,
    the crowd he does hate
Original Lyrics:
    The cattle are lowing,
    The poor baby wakes.
    But little Lord Jesus,
    no crying he makes

Misheard Lyrics:
    Brown, young virgin

"Angels We Have Heard On High"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Gloria in eggshells these days, oh.
    Original Lyrics:
        Gloria, in Excelsis Deo.

"Angels We Have Heard On High"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Gloria, Inspect Chelsea's gay hole.
    Original Lyrics:
        Gloria, In excelsis deo

"Angels We Have Heard On High"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Gloria...Estefan is gay, oh!
    Original Lyrics:
        Gloria...In excelsis Deo!

"Auld Lang Syne"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        And make the old man cry
    Original Lyrics:
        And days of auld lang syne

"Auld Lang Syne"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Should old Aunt Quaintance be forgot?
    Original Lyrics:
        Should auld acquaintance be forgot

"Blue Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Won't be the same beer, if you're not here with me.
    Original Lyrics:
        Won't be the same, dear, if you're not hear with me.

"The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting)"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
        Jack snot dripping out your nose
    Original Lyrics:
        Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
        Jack Frost nipping at your nose

"Do You Hear What I Hear?"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Stick the knife into the little lamb
        Do you hear what I hear?
    Original Lyrics:
        Said the night wind to the little lamb,
        'Do you hear what I hear?'

"Deck The Halls"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        'Tis the season to eat jelly.
    Original Lyrics:
        'Tis the season to be jolly.

"Deck The Halls"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Deck the halls with poison ivy
        Fa la la la la la la la la
        Tis the season to be naughty
        Fa la la la la la la la la
        smash a window, pop a tire
        Fa la la la la la la la la
        Set your teachers pants on fire
        Fa la la la la la la la la.

"Deck The Halls"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        See the flaming mule before us
    Original Lyrics:
        See the blazing yule before us

"Deck The Halls"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Strike the heart, enjoy the florist
    Original Lyrics:
        Strike the harp and join the chorus

"The First Noel"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        The First Noel
        The angels did sing
        Was to serve them poor shepherds
        In fields where they lay.

"The First Noel"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        They looked at us and saw a star.
    Original Lyrics:
        They look-ed up and saw a star.

"Feliz Navidad"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        F'leas on my bod.
        Original Lyrics:
        Feliz Navidad

"Feliz Navidad"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Flea's love your dog.

"Frosty the Snowman"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Frosty the Snowman's got a parrot up his nose.
    Original Lyrics:
        Frosty the Snowman's got a carrot for his nose.

"Frosty the Snowman"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        With a corn cob pipe and a butt and nose
    Original Lyrics:
        with a corn cob pipe and a button nose

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        O Tide cleans like Comet and Joy
        Comet and Joy
        O Tide cleans like Comet and Joy.

"God Rest You Merry Gentlemen"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        God rescue merry gentlemen.

"Good King Wencenslaus"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Good King Wence's car backed out on a piece of Stephen.

"Good King Wenceslas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Where the dough lay round about
        Deep-pan, crisp and even.

"Hark The Herald Angels Sing"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        God and sinners wrecked a child.


"Hark The Herald Angels Sing"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        With Anne's jelly toast proclaim.

"Hark the Herald Angels Sing"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Garden centers wrecked a child.

"Hark the Herald Angels Sing"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Honk, the herald angels sing

"Home for the Holidays"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        When you long for the sunshine and the friendly gays

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Happy old men date the whore.
    Original Lyrics:
        Happy golden days of yore

"Here Comes Santa Claus"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        He's got a bag that's filled with toys for poison girls again.

"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        I saw moomy take off Santa's clothes.

"I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
    With every Christmas card I like.

"It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        With those hollow, degrading
        All-gay orgy meetings.
    Original Lyrics:
        With those holiday greetings
        And gay happy meetings

"Jingle Bells"
    Misheard Lyrics:
    Dashing through the snow with one whore, soap, and sleigh

"Little Drummer Boy"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Shall I pay for you?
    Original Lyrics:
        Shall I play for you?

"The Little Drummer Boy"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Very naughty, bah-rump-ba-bum-bum.
    Original Lyrics:
        Mary nodded, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.

"Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Let us know, let us know, let us know.

"The Night Before Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Had just settled down for a long winter snack.

"Oh Christmas Tree"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree, how lovely are your britches
    Original Lyrics:
        Oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree, how lovely are your branches

"Oh Come, All Ye Faithful"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Oh come, all ye faithful, joyful and try often

"O Come, O Come Immanuel"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Bring toys.
    Original Lyrics:
        Rejoice!

"Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Later we'll have some f***in' pie and do some heroin.
    Original Lyrics:
        Later we'll have some pumpkin pie and do some carolin'.

"Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Harold, the red nosed pain deer

"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        You'll go down in Listerine!
    Original Lyrics:
        You'll go down in history!

"Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        You go down and kiss Doreen.
    Original Lyrics:
        You'll go down in history.

"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Olive, the other reindeer,
        used to laugh and call him names

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Won't you guide my slave tonight?

"Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Then one soggy Christmas Eve

"Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Rudolph, with your nose so black
        Won't you drive my Cadillac?

"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        He'll seize you when you're sleeping.
    Original Lyrics:
        He sees you when you're sleeping.

"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Santa Claus is calming you down.

"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Santa Claus is mowing, my lawn

"Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        He's making a list, chicken and rice

"Silver Bells"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        City sidewalks, busy sidewalks
        Dressed in Hollandaise sauce.

"Silver Bells"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Silverware

"Twelve Days Of Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Danny Partidge in a pear tree.
    Original Lyrics:
        And a partridge in a pear tree.

"Twelve Days of Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        On the worst day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
        A par bridge in a bare tree.

"We Wish You A Merry Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Bring us some piggy pudding.

"We Wish You A Merry Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Now bring us some poison candy.
    Original Lyrics:
        Now bring us some toys and candy.

"We Wish You A Merry Christmas"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        So bring us the frigging pudding and bring some right here

Alec Baldwin Christmas Album (gag) "Oh HUm All Ye Faithful"

We Three Kings:
    There were three kings of Oreantar that
    tried to smoke a rubber cigar it was loaded
    it exploded now there are only two kings of Oreantar.

    We two kings of Orient are
    Tried to smoke a rubber cigar.
    It was loaded, it exploded...

    I, one king of Orient are
    Tried to smoke a rubber cigar.
    It was loaded, it exploded...

    God rest ye merry gentlemen...


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
    Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer ......... (Reindeer)
    Had a very shiny nose ............(shiny nose)
    And if you ever saw it ............(saw it)
    You would even say it glowed...........(LIKE A LIGHT BULB !!!!!!)
    All of the other reindeer................(reindeer)
    Used to laugh and call him names ...........(LIKE PINNOCHIO!!!! )
    They never let poor Rudolf ................(Rudolf)
    Join in any reindeer games ...............( LIKE MONOPOLY !!!!)
    Then one foggy Christmas eve , Santa came to say.....(HO HO HO !!!)
    "Rudolf with your nose so bright , wont you guide my sleigh tonight !"
    Then how the reindeer loved him ...........(loved him)
    And they shouted out with glee.................( WHOOPEE!!!!!!)
    Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer ...............( Reindeer)
    You'll go down in history ........................(LIKE VEGEMITE !!!!)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"What Child Is This?"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Haste, haste to Brigham Young
        The Babe was one of the Yankees.
    Original Lyrics:
        Haste, haste to bring him laud
        The babe, the son of Mary.

"Winter Wonderland"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Two fish on a plate
        We wished that we ate
    Original Lyrics:
        To face unafraid
        the plans that we've made

"Winter Wonderland"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        Until the alligators knock it down
    Original Lyrics:
        Until the other kiddies knock it down

"Winter Wonderland"
    Misheard Lyrics:
        We'll probably get laid, the Eskimo way
        Walking in a winter wonderland.
    Original Lyrics:
        We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way
        Walking in a winter wonderland.