By Frank Silver
and Irving Cohn, Eddie Cantor (1923), Louis Prima, Spike Jones
There's a fruit store on our street
It's run by a Greek.
And he keeps good things to eat,
But you should hear him speak!
When you ask him anything,
He never answers "no".
He just yes-es you to death,
And as he takes your dough, he tells you
Yes! we have-a no bananas!
We have-a no bananas today!
We've string beans and honions,
Cabbages and scallions
And all kinds of fruit, and say,
We have an old fashioned tomato,
A Long Island potato.
But, yes! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas today!
Business got so good with him,
He wrote home to say,
Send me Pete and Nick and Jim,
I need help right away.
When he got them in the store,
There was fun you bet.
Someone asked for sparrowgrass,
And then the whole quartet all answered
Yes! We've got no bananas,
We have no bananas today!
Our eggs are delicious
But they act suspicious.
They look like they passed away!
And if you try some of our spinach
We'll tell you you're finish.
But, yes! We have no bananas,
We have no bananas today!
Business got so good for him that he wrote home today,
"Send me Pete and Nick and Jim; I need help right away."
When he got them in the store, there was fun, you bet.
Someone asked for "sparrow grass" and then the whole quartet
All answered
"Yes, we have no bananas
We have-a no bananas today.
Just try those coconuts
Those wall-nuts and doughnuts
There ain't many nuts like they.
We'll sell you two kinds of red herring,
Dark brown, and ball-bearing.
But yes, we have no bananas
We have no bananas today."
Not content with razzing the Greeks, here's a common variant (presumably
of the speaking part, though I know this version only from text) that takes
a poke at Britspeak:
The new English "clark":
Yes, we are very sorry to inform you
That we are entirely out of the fruit in question
The afore-mentioned vegetable
Bearing the cognomen "Banana".
We might induce you to accept a substitute less desirable,
But that is not the policy at this internationally famous green grocery.
I should say not. No no no no no no no.
But may we suggest that you sample our five o'clock tea
Which we feel certain will tempt your palate?
However we regret that after a diligent search
Of the premises
By our entire staff
We can positively affirm without fear of contradiction
That our raspberries are delicious; really delicious
Very delicious
But we have no bananas today.
The writers purportedly wrote this concoction
after hearing the phrase from a Greek fruit peddler, but, according to Sigmund
Spaeth, its melody borrowed, conscikously or unconsciously, from Handel's
"Hallelujah Chorus," "My Bonnie," "I Dreamt That I Dwelt In Marble Halls,"
"Aunt Dinah's Quilting Party" and Cole Porter's "An Old-Fashioned Garden."
Substituting the original lyrics from those to the appropriate melodic
phrases you get:
"Hallelujah, Bananas! Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me. I dreamt that I
dwelt in marble halls - the king that you seldom see. I was seeing Nellie
home, to an old-fashioned garden: but Hallelujah, Bananas! Oh, bring back
my Bonnie to me!"