The Waiter and the Porter and the Upstairs Maid
The people in the ballroom were stuffy and arty,
And I began to get just a little afraid
I sneaked into the kitchen and found me a party,
The waiter and the porter and the second story maid.
I peaked into the parlor to see what was hatchin',
In time to hear the hostess suggest a charade,
But who was in the pantry, a-laughin', a-scratchin',
The waiter and the porter and the upstairs maid.
When they heard the music that the orchestra played,
The waiter and the porter grabbed a-hold of the maid.
Then they all proceeded to go into a clog - hot diggity dog!
If ever I'm invited to some fuddy duddy's
I ain't a-gonna watch any harlequinade -
You'll find me in the kitchen, applaudin' my buddies,
The waiter and the porter and the upstairs maid!
Sung by Mary Martin, Bing Crosby and Jack Teagarden in the movie
Birth of the Blues