Show You A Thing Or Two Batboy the Musical

Meredith: You are such a smart boy!

We'll turn you into a proper young man in no time.

Here is a cat...

Batboy: Hee ba za cat.
Meredith: There is a goose.
Batboy: Zi ba za goose.
Meredith: This is a rat.
Batboy: Zi bi za wat.
Meredith: And that is a moose.
Batboy: Ba ba ba ba boose.
Meredith: The cat crept up behind the goose but then away it flew.
Batboy: Flu
Meredith: The rat was jealous of a moose who loved a kangaroo.
Batboy:  Ru.
Meredith: The cat and rat gave up and found a flat in Timbuktu.
Batboy: Tu.
Meredith: And now-
Batboy: And now-
Meredith: Review-
Batboy: Review-
Meredith: We read the whole way through!

Batboy: Caa, goose, Raa, moose, Kangaroow, tibuktoow!

Meredith: Understand?
Batboy: Yes I do!
Meredith: Good for you!

I'll show you a thing or two
Batboy: Two.
Meredith: I'll teach you to name it.
Batboy: Nane it.
Meredith: Sure its tough but you'll tame it.
Batboy: Tane it. (chews book)
Meredith: You'll soon complete it and- wait, don't eat it.
Batboy: Oh.

Meredith: I'll show you the way its done, then I'll leave it to you.

And whaddaya know, you may show me a thing or two.

Shelley: Hi Mom!
Meredith: Hello, Shelley. How was school, dear?
Shelley: It was great! How's Bat Boy doing today?
Meredith: Edgar is coming along nicely. We were just watching Masterpeice Theatre on PBS.

Shelley: How do you do?
Batboy: How do you do?
Shelley: Lovely, and you?
Batboy: Lovely, and you?
Shelley: Won't you sit down?
Batboy: Won't you sit down?
Shelley: Don't mind if I do.
Batboy: Don't mind if I do.
Shelley: The weather would be perfect if it weren't quite so hot.
Batboy: Hot.
Meredith: I fear we're out of sandwiches, that butler should be shot.
Batboy: Shot.
Shelley/Meredith: But won't you stay the night we're having dinner on the yacht!
Batboy: Yacht?

Meredith: Now ready -
Batboy: What?
Meredith: Or not,
Batboy: Not!
Meredith: Show me what you've got.

Batboy: Bow deep, kiss hand, pull chair, look bland.

Pour the tea, pass the jam
Meredith: Are we clear?
Batboy: Yes, ma'am!

(Bat Boy spills the tea and all dishes go flying. He panics. Meredith calms him.)

Meredith: I'll show you a thing or two. Don't cry, it's okay, dear.

Rome's not built in a day, dear.
Batboy: Hah?
Meredith: A bit more schooling, a lot less drooling.
Meredith/Shelley: Easy does it, that's how its done.

Soon you'll pick up your cue,

Then whaddaya know, you may show us a thing or two!

Dr. Parker: Honey, I'm home!
Shelley: Hi, Daddy! How was work?
Dr. Parker: Great! How is Edgar coming along?
Meredith: This week's been a little rocky, dear.
Shelley: We're trying flash cards.

Batboy: Champs-Elysees?
Meredith: Parthenon.
Batboy: Great White Way?
Shelley: Everglades.
Batboy: Berlin Wall?
Dr. Parker: Autobahn.
Batboy: Carnegie Hall?
Meredith: Ice Capades.
Batboy: Pentagon?
Shelley: Golden Gate.
Batboy: Amazon?
Dr. Parker: Rio Grande.
Batboy: Taj Majal!
Shelley: Empire State.
Batboy: Wailing Wall?
Meredith: Disneyland.

(Bat Boy whines in defeat)

Dr. Parker: Perhaps I should have a word with the boy. Let me talk to him over here for a moment!

I'll show you a thing or two. Sure, kid, you feel weary.

Head's all fuzzy and bleary.

I know you're leery. But here's my theory.

Keep sluggin'- that's how it's done.

Soon you're bound to break through!

And whaddaya know, you may-

Batboy: Wait a minute!

Dr. Parker/Meredith: Whaddaya know, you may -

Batboy: I think I've got it!

All: Whaddaya know, you may -

Batboy: Eureka!

All: Show me!

Batboy: Brooklyn Bridge, Lenin's Tomb, Watergate, Rainbow Room!

Ruby Ridge, Liberty Bell, Bering Strait, Bates Motel!

Spartacus, Fargo, And Anchors Aweigh!

Love Story, Key Largo, Remains Of The Day!

Puccini, Otello, Bellini, Wayne Shorter and Elvis Costello!

Shelley: Mom, Edgar just finished his essay for his high school equivalency exam!

Batboy: I will discuss Copernicus who ruined all our fun,

And showed we're just a ball of dust that limps around the sun.

Which brings me then to Darwin, when he bent us out of shape

As he began to prove that man is nephew to an ape.

We were annoyed when Doctor Freud declared it's not a soul,

It is your blind subconsious mind that's always in control.

But I submit that any twit if he had eyes to see,

Can seize his fate; self-educate; and turn out just like me!

(All Cheer)

All: Shirts, shoes, pants, vest.

Can't go out there underdressed.

Collar pressed, look your best.

And won't they be impressed! 'Cause:

I'll/He'll show 'em a thing or two!

I was dirty and rowdy (rowdy)

Even dressed a bit dowdy (dowdy)

But now say:

Others: Howdy!

All: To a summa cum laude!

I'll/He'll show 'em the way it's done!

But no applause I'm/He's not through!

Batboy: I'm gonna Vince Van Gogh'em
All: And Henry Thoreau'em
Batboy: And Plato -
All: And Cato -
Batboy: And Edgar Allen Poe'em
All: Gonna Jean Cocteau'em
Batboy: And Jacques Cousteau'em
All: Fellini -
Batboy: Houdini-
All: And Michaelangelo'em
Batboy: Gonna Jackie O'em
All: Marilyn Monroe'em
Batboy: Botticelli-
All: Machiavelli-
Batboy: Larry, Curly and Moe'em

And whaddaya know, once you-
All: Learn to crawl-ah
Batboy: You suddenly grow to be-
All: Ten feel tall-ah
Batboy: So buddy I'm going to-
All: Show 'em all a thing or two.

Batboy: Or two! Or two!

All: Show 'em a thing or two!